Thursday, October 27, 2011

I'm Not Ready

I wrote this a couple of months ago, when one of my best friends moved eleven hours away.

We had a surprise going away part for Bridget last night. We set up at this park, and I was assigned the job of bringing her. We picked her up, and I told her that I really wanted to go to the park, since it was like two minutes from her house. We headed over, and we walked towards the dock,where everyone was waiting.

"SURPRISE!" Everyone jumped up, and surprised she was. "I thought I saw Michaela over there, but i wasn't sure. I was like 'Why would Michaela be here?'" i kept asking her over and over if she was honestly surprised. She insisted that she was.

We all sat along the dock and ate pizza, but soon we heard rolls of thunder in the distance. We started to gather our things to go up to the picnic shelter, but we weren't fast enough. The heavens opened and rain poured down on us. We scrambled to grab things, and all ran up towards the shelter, slipping on the wet grass. We finally reached it, and we called Megan's parents to ask if it was okay for us to move the party over to their house. They agreed, and we all piled into cars and drove five minutes to their house. We hung out in their basement, eating more pizza, eating cake, playing WII and Apples To Apples. Then, after most people had left, a couple of us headed over to my house for a sleepover. I can barley remember what all happened that night, except that it was honestly one of the best nights of my life.


Bridget moved yesterday. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.

On Wednesday, I went over to our friend Erin's house. Erin and I had started making a scrapbook for Bridget, and we needed to finish it. All of our friends had made pages, but Erin, Jessica and I were the only ones there to finish it. Jessica left about halfway through to go to a swim meet. We finished it and then headed over to Bridget's house. We met up with Erin's cousin, Alyssa, and helped Bridget's family load some heavy stuff into the moving stuck. We ate some pizza and sat outside on the sidewalk, talking about everything. We saw this giant spider, and we all freaked out. Erin poured 7- Up, Coke and water on it, but it wouldn't die. Eventually we lost track of it and went back inside.

We then gave Bridget the scrapbook. We had each done something for her in the scrapbook. Alyssa drew a picture, i wrote a letter, Erin wrote a song, Megan wrote a poem, and Jessica wrote a song. Bridget read them all out loud and we all cried. Then everyone but me left, and we went to Ritter’s with her family to meet up with their realtor. Then we went back to their house, and Bridget and I went up to her room. We read each other’s stories and listened to music for a while, just like old times.

Then we talked and laughed and sang and danced and did everything. We had just lain down on her floor to go to sleep when her eyes bugged out, and she gasped, looking behind me.

"What??" I freaked out. I thought her loft bed was about to fall, or the wall was cracking or something bad like that. I looked back, and there was a giant spider on the wall. She screamed and ran out of the room, coming back with a paper towel. As she tried to catch the spider, she tripped over the cord to her iPod dock, causing it to fall over, her iPod fall out and shuffle, and start blasting a song. I laughed even harder.

Everyone else was asleep, and her screams woke her mom, who came in. "What's going on?" She asked, half asleep. I stood by the door, laughing so hard as Bridget freaked out about killing the spider.

"I swear, Mom, we had just put on an acoustic song and lay down to go to sleep, and then I saw a spider." Bridget tried to explain as she reached for the spider, and then pulled her hand back, freaking out again.

Eventually, she got it, her mom went back to sleep, and we laid down again. I laughed for quite some time in the dark.

"I didn’t think it was that funny!" Bridget protested.

"It was! It was hilarious!" I said through my giggles. "What is it with us and spiders?" That made her laugh.

The next day, we helped her family load the moving truck. Jessica and her mom came over and helped too. Then my mom came over and helped, and so did some of Bridget's moms friends.

Jessica, Bridget and I sat on the back of the moving truck when we weren’t doing anything, and took totally random pictures. Jessica and her mom had to leave at around 4:30. I watched their moms hug and then two of them hug.
"This isn't goodbye."

"We'll stay in touch." I almost cried, just watching them.
Her mom turned to her and said "We should go. This isn't going to get any easier." I don't know why, but that stuck with me. That moment keeps replaying in my head.
They left, and then just me and Bridget hung out. She finished cleaning out her closet while I lay on the floor and played her guitar along with her iPod. Erin and Alyssa stopped by for about 5 minutes for a finally goodbye, which was sad.
At about 6, my brother came to pick me up. Bridget and I hugged and exchanged goodbyes, along with our reassuring each other that we would stay in touch and visit all the time.

I got into the car, put in my iPod, rolled down the window, and tried to hold back tears. I didn't want to cry until I was in my room alone.
Yeah, that didn't work.

At a stop light, I saw a man in a black truck staring at me as I cried. When I got home, my mom had made my favorite dinner, but I wasn't hungry. I took a shower and cried, and cried, and cried.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

People say that if you love something to let it go. Do I love her enough to let her go? I've thought about this a lot, and I’ve come to my conclusion. I love her so much that I don't want to let her go. I'm so selfish, wanting to keep her here for myself.

But i have to let her go.

I'm working on trusting God with this. It's so hard, but I believe that one day, we'll be together again, and in the meantime, God will keep us both safe and sound.

"Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught... My heart is in anguish within me...Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest."
-Psalm 55: 1-2, 4, & 6

But good news, guys! Bridget’s coming to visit for a whole weekend in just elevenmore days! I could not possibly be more excited. I’m so ecstatic I swear, I’m going to burst.

As always, Nellie (:

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