Thursday, October 27, 2011

I'm Not Ready

I wrote this a couple of months ago, when one of my best friends moved eleven hours away.

We had a surprise going away part for Bridget last night. We set up at this park, and I was assigned the job of bringing her. We picked her up, and I told her that I really wanted to go to the park, since it was like two minutes from her house. We headed over, and we walked towards the dock,where everyone was waiting.

"SURPRISE!" Everyone jumped up, and surprised she was. "I thought I saw Michaela over there, but i wasn't sure. I was like 'Why would Michaela be here?'" i kept asking her over and over if she was honestly surprised. She insisted that she was.

We all sat along the dock and ate pizza, but soon we heard rolls of thunder in the distance. We started to gather our things to go up to the picnic shelter, but we weren't fast enough. The heavens opened and rain poured down on us. We scrambled to grab things, and all ran up towards the shelter, slipping on the wet grass. We finally reached it, and we called Megan's parents to ask if it was okay for us to move the party over to their house. They agreed, and we all piled into cars and drove five minutes to their house. We hung out in their basement, eating more pizza, eating cake, playing WII and Apples To Apples. Then, after most people had left, a couple of us headed over to my house for a sleepover. I can barley remember what all happened that night, except that it was honestly one of the best nights of my life.


Bridget moved yesterday. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.

On Wednesday, I went over to our friend Erin's house. Erin and I had started making a scrapbook for Bridget, and we needed to finish it. All of our friends had made pages, but Erin, Jessica and I were the only ones there to finish it. Jessica left about halfway through to go to a swim meet. We finished it and then headed over to Bridget's house. We met up with Erin's cousin, Alyssa, and helped Bridget's family load some heavy stuff into the moving stuck. We ate some pizza and sat outside on the sidewalk, talking about everything. We saw this giant spider, and we all freaked out. Erin poured 7- Up, Coke and water on it, but it wouldn't die. Eventually we lost track of it and went back inside.

We then gave Bridget the scrapbook. We had each done something for her in the scrapbook. Alyssa drew a picture, i wrote a letter, Erin wrote a song, Megan wrote a poem, and Jessica wrote a song. Bridget read them all out loud and we all cried. Then everyone but me left, and we went to Ritter’s with her family to meet up with their realtor. Then we went back to their house, and Bridget and I went up to her room. We read each other’s stories and listened to music for a while, just like old times.

Then we talked and laughed and sang and danced and did everything. We had just lain down on her floor to go to sleep when her eyes bugged out, and she gasped, looking behind me.

"What??" I freaked out. I thought her loft bed was about to fall, or the wall was cracking or something bad like that. I looked back, and there was a giant spider on the wall. She screamed and ran out of the room, coming back with a paper towel. As she tried to catch the spider, she tripped over the cord to her iPod dock, causing it to fall over, her iPod fall out and shuffle, and start blasting a song. I laughed even harder.

Everyone else was asleep, and her screams woke her mom, who came in. "What's going on?" She asked, half asleep. I stood by the door, laughing so hard as Bridget freaked out about killing the spider.

"I swear, Mom, we had just put on an acoustic song and lay down to go to sleep, and then I saw a spider." Bridget tried to explain as she reached for the spider, and then pulled her hand back, freaking out again.

Eventually, she got it, her mom went back to sleep, and we laid down again. I laughed for quite some time in the dark.

"I didn’t think it was that funny!" Bridget protested.

"It was! It was hilarious!" I said through my giggles. "What is it with us and spiders?" That made her laugh.

The next day, we helped her family load the moving truck. Jessica and her mom came over and helped too. Then my mom came over and helped, and so did some of Bridget's moms friends.

Jessica, Bridget and I sat on the back of the moving truck when we weren’t doing anything, and took totally random pictures. Jessica and her mom had to leave at around 4:30. I watched their moms hug and then two of them hug.
"This isn't goodbye."

"We'll stay in touch." I almost cried, just watching them.
Her mom turned to her and said "We should go. This isn't going to get any easier." I don't know why, but that stuck with me. That moment keeps replaying in my head.
They left, and then just me and Bridget hung out. She finished cleaning out her closet while I lay on the floor and played her guitar along with her iPod. Erin and Alyssa stopped by for about 5 minutes for a finally goodbye, which was sad.
At about 6, my brother came to pick me up. Bridget and I hugged and exchanged goodbyes, along with our reassuring each other that we would stay in touch and visit all the time.

I got into the car, put in my iPod, rolled down the window, and tried to hold back tears. I didn't want to cry until I was in my room alone.
Yeah, that didn't work.

At a stop light, I saw a man in a black truck staring at me as I cried. When I got home, my mom had made my favorite dinner, but I wasn't hungry. I took a shower and cried, and cried, and cried.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

People say that if you love something to let it go. Do I love her enough to let her go? I've thought about this a lot, and I’ve come to my conclusion. I love her so much that I don't want to let her go. I'm so selfish, wanting to keep her here for myself.

But i have to let her go.

I'm working on trusting God with this. It's so hard, but I believe that one day, we'll be together again, and in the meantime, God will keep us both safe and sound.

"Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught... My heart is in anguish within me...Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest."
-Psalm 55: 1-2, 4, & 6

But good news, guys! Bridget’s coming to visit for a whole weekend in just elevenmore days! I could not possibly be more excited. I’m so ecstatic I swear, I’m going to burst.

As always, Nellie (:

Even Now

I started at their little Ohio school in 5th grade. I remember it like it was yesterday. I sat next to Bridget, and though we both knew each other from our church- we’d been in the same class since first grade- but we weren’t close friends or anything. But hey, the not being friend’s thing could change. I sat with Lucy that day at lunch, and she told me all about the school- the cool teachers, people to avoid, the cafeteria food- the chicken nuggets and pizza were good, but the hamburgers and the Salisbury steaks weren’t. The next day I sat with Bridget, then Lucy, then Bridget. We eventually began sitting together, the three of us. We became inseparable. Us apart? Unthinkable. We started a little "club", if you will. It was just the three of us. We pretended to be super heroes- Lucy was Roxxi, Bridget was Brittany, and I was Mary Kate. It evolved to a huge game of House. Love, friends, breakups, family- even in fifth grade we had it down pat. We called it Super Girls, AKA SGs. We hung out all the time, playing SGs. We loved it. It lasted for a year, of all three of us at the same school.

Bridget switched schools at the beginning of sixth grade. Me and Lucy continued it, and we tried to keep Bridget in the loop. Bridget went to my church, so I'd fill her in on Sunday mornings and Wednesdays nights at our youth group. Eventually, Bridget kinda just.... faded from Super Girls. Me and Bridget stayed friends, but her and Lucy just grew apart, I guess.

Me and Lucy kept playing Super Girls. She moved across the state the summer before seventh grade (we're freshmen now), and we kept SGs going. We did it over the phone, on IM, at sleepovers, but it stopped at the middle of eighth grade. I don’t know why, but it just… stopped. I know, it sounds lame. We played house until eighth grade? Weird, I get it. But it was what we did best. It was fun. It was us.
Lucy and I? Our sleepovers are now far and few between. Every time we try to get something together, she cancels last minute. Lucy likes her new school, has new best friends, we rarely talk, but I still consider her one of my best friends. Why? Only God knows. But it hurts to see how much she loves her new life, and how she left me in the dust. But I guess I just gotta move on, because as far as I know, she has.

I feel like I’m losing friends left and right. First Lucy, and now Bridget’s leaving soon. It’s not fair! I never wanted to lose any of these friends. I love them all so much.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to help you and not to hurt you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I know that the verse above is true, you have no idea how much I know it. It’s just really hard to believe it sometimes. Like now. But even now, I try to trust Him.

Even Now.

Maybe I'm Just A Dreamer

“I don’t want to be called sexy, hot, cute or even pretty. I want to be called

I love that quote because it’s exactly what I feel. Nothing is beautiful anymore. Everything is ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’. If a guy ever calls me beautiful, I’ll know he’s something special.

See it’s my opinion that the words ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ has been bogged down by so many repulsive, disrespectful implications, that it has ultimately become a derogatory term. It has a devious way of cheapening whatever it is that it’s describing, and it tends to bug me.

I want a guy to fall so deeply and madly in love with him, that even if I’m in my sweats, my hair in a ponytail, sobbing with makeup running down my face, to him, I’m still nothing less than beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning.

“This I truly know: she’s out there. My Cinderella. She is real. She exists. I pray for her constantly. May God satisfy the desires of her heart, draw her close, consumer her. May He claim her passions, her identity, her refuge, her hopes, her strengths and weaknesses, every fiber of her being. May she treasure and cherish her Savior more than anything of this world, and cling to His will with every ounce of her stamina. By all that she is, does and strives to be, may He draw near to her and she to Him.” (Adam Young)

I want a guy like that.

A guy who only wants the best for me. Who wants me to be more caught up in God than I am in Him. And guys like that are hard to come by these days. But I know I’ll find the one. With God’s help.

Even when we’re eighty- five and in a nursing home, I still want him to be utterly enamored with me. When he sees me, I want his mouth to go dry and his heart to beat widely around in his heart like a dull jackhammer. And the butterflies in his stomach to feel as if they’ve overdosed on caffeine. I I want him to be speechless. I know it’s a tall order, but hey, with God, all things are possible, right?

“And I feel like getting married and knowing that she saved herself for me, and I for her. And God kept her safe and sound and secure for me while I was off flying and scuba diving and she was off dreaming and singing and blushing.” (Adam Young)

How romantic would that be? I mean, saving yourself for your future husband or wife? If he was the only one you’ll ever be with? Wouldn’t that make you feel beyond special, if he loved you so much, even before he met you, that he never gave his body away? Even more importantly, if he never let anyone else even come close to where you will one day be. Can you even imagine?

I know that there are a lot of things for me to see and a lot of things for me to do. There’s plenty of years left until I fall in love.

Time. There’s so much time.

There’s so much time left and lots of life seasons. There’s so much to see, do and be. I have my whole life ahead of me.

But I am happy. I must take it all in and treasure reality. With a heart crammed full of dreams as life plays out day- by- day. Should I do that, I’ll finally rest assured knowing that one day, my day will finally come.
“All beautiful are you, my darling. There is no flaw in you.”
-Song of Songs 4:7

Love, Nellie

In Fifteen Years...

We all know it. The question teachers always ask us.

“What do you want to do?”

“Who do you want to be?”

And last but not least…. “Where do you see yourself in fifteen years?” For me, the picture is quite clear. In all honesty, you’ll probably laugh.

I want to be out of college (University of Chicago, anyone?). I want to marry young. I daydream about falling in love… being utterly smitten. I want four or five kids- at least two girls and two boys. Right now, the names I like for the boys are Mason and Ayden, although I also like the name Hayden, and Cooper too. And for the girls, I like Abigail and Ella. I want to live in Florida, New York City, Chicago, Texas or California. In a big city, a small town, or a beach town. I want to drive either a black truck or a black Jeep Wrangler. I want pets- a cat, two bulldogs. The girl bulldogs name will be Spike, and the boy bulldogs name will be Gus (I know. Stop laughing.)

I want to own a five star restaurant and I dream of being a famous author. One other thing is that I want to do something about human trafficking and the sex trade. I’m not sure what, yet, but I want to have an impact on it. I want to live close enough to my children’s school so that I can walk them to and from school. I want to be friends with my kids. I’d love if they could tell me everything, and they knew it. I want to have close friends- the same ones I have now- as everyone always does.

You’re laughing. Stop that!

Okay…. You can laugh. I laugh about it too. It’s not completely serious. Well, I do want to be completely and hopelessly in love- I want to still get butterflies in my stomach when I see him smile, even when I’m eighty-three. I do want four or five kids, and I want to be an author. Everything else is just what I think would be nice right now, on this day and at this time. It could change at any moment.

But it paints a pretty picture, doesn’t it?

“Cast all your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.”

-Psalm 55:22

Still dreaming, Nellie (:

Hopeless Romantic? Oh Yes.

Day 2 – Your Favorite Movie

I love so many movies. I realize I said that about songs, but you must know, I’m a very indecisive person. I love romantic comedies like Get Smart, The Proposal, Father of the Bride, and Just Friends. I like watching Teeny- Bopper movies like Monte Carlo, A Cinderella Story, I hate horrors and scary movies, but I love little kid movies, like Up and Horton Hears A Who. I’m a sucker for sappy love stories- The Notebook, The Last Song, Chasing Liberty, Life As We Know It, When In Rome, Beastly and Letters to Juliet.

But my favorite movie of all time is A Walk To Remember. I love that movie with a passion. It’s so adorable (and cliché, I know).

She didn't belong, she was misunderstood, and she would change him forever

Jamie (Mandy Moore) was the last person Landon (Shane West) was likely to fall for. The daughter of the town's Baptist minister. She's serious, conservative and as far from cool as she could possibly be - and she doesn't care.

Landon is the opposite. Aimless, moody and reckless. He has no plans for the future and no faith in himself. When a prank played on a new classmate goes wrong, Landon's punishment is to tutor a young student on weekends and participate in the school play - activities that are definitely uncool and bring him into close contact with Jamie

With the scorn of his friends and initially against Jamie's wishes. Landon finds himself falling in love with her and all the things he isn't. Being together will test everything they believe in. Most of all, it will test the power of love and faith to transform a life into something worth living. (

Adorable, right?

Here are some of my favorite quotes from A Walk to Remember:

Jamie: You know what I figured out today?
Landon: What?
Jamie: Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I'm sick. To help me through all this. You're my angel.

Landon: I'm sorry she never got her miracle.
Reverend Sullivan: She did. It was you.

Landon: What are you doing here?
Jamie: I could ask you the same question.
Landon: Do you normally walk alone in cemeteries at night?
Jamie: Maybe.

Landon: Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I'll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.

Eric: Talk to me man.
Landon: About what?
Eric: About you, about Jamie.
Landon: What's there to talk about? She's the best person I've ever known.

Eric: This girl is changing you and you don't even know it.

Landon: All I know is... you're beautiful.

Landon: Jamie... I love you. [long pause] Now would be the time to say something.
Jamie: I told you not to fall in love with me.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Chose Life

Yesterday was silent day at my school.

Anyone who wanted one, got a red bracelet that said “LIFE” on them. If you had one, you were supposed to be silent the entire day. It was to show the fact that as a school, we’re against abortion. I participated, and it was really interesting to think about. All over the school were signs with facts about abortion on them.

Here are some facts I bet you didn’t know:
Abortion is legal through all 9 months of pregnancy
At 18 days after conception, a baby has a heartbeat.
At 6 weeks following conception, the baby’s brain waves can be measured. At 8 weeks after conception, the stomach, liver, and kidneys of the baby are functioning, and fingerprints have formed. At 9 weeks, the unborn child can feel pain.
If a pregnant woman is killed, the murderer is tried as double murder, of the woman and the unborn baby, but if a pregnant women has an abortion, its’ legal.
For every two babies born another baby dies in an abortion.
That's 1.5 million babies each year;
That's 4,000 babies every day;
That's 1 baby every 20 seconds;
That's Approximately 50 million babies since 1973;

And that's just here in America.

Ask My IPod

Day 1: Your favorite song

My favorite song? How am I supposed to choose? I have so many! But at the moment, some of my favorite songs are:

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

Are You Happy Now by Megan and Liz

Daydreams by Breanne Duren

All About Us by He Is We Ft. Owl City

Where the Light Is by Anthem Lights

Hold Me Together by Royal Tailor

Free Fallin’ by John Mayer

On My Way by Boyce Avenue

Absolutely (Story of a Girl) by Nine Days

I’m big on music. I’m constantly listening to music. I listen to it falling asleep, when I’m getting ready in the morning, when I’m writing, when I’m with friends and when I’m baking or cooking. I love finding new songs and bands.

What are your favorite songs, friends?

Saturday, October 15, 2011

30 Day Challange

Hey guys! Since I’m new at blogging, I’m not so sure about what to write. A friend told me about the 30 Day Challenge, and I thought it was a good idea. Maybe this will get my creative juices flowing.

Day 1 – your favorite song
Day 2 – your favorite movie
Day 3 – your favorite television program
Day 4 – your favorite book
Day 5 – your favorite quote
Day 6 – 20 of my favorite things
Day 7 – a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 – a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 – a photo you took
Day 10 – a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 – a photo of you recently
Day 12 – something you are OCD about
Day 13 – a fictional book
Day 14 – a non-fictional book
Day 15 – your dream house
Day 16 – a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 – an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc.)
Day 18 – my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 – a talent of yours
Day 20 – a hobby of yours
Day 21 – a recipe
Day 22 – a website
Day 23 – a YouTube video
Day 24 – where I live
Day 25 – your day, in great detail
Day 26 – your week, in great detail
Day 27 – my worst habit
Day 28 – what’s in your handbag/purse
Day 29 – hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 – a dream for the future

Introducing Me!

Hello there! I’m not quite sure how good I’m going to be at this whole blogging thing, but I’m going to give it my best shot.

I guess I should start by telling you a little about me, huh? My name is Nell. No, before you ask, Nell isn’t short for anything. I used to hate it, but now I really like it. Its old fashioned and elegant. I wasn’t named for anybody in particular. Some people call me Nellie, but only people that I’m really close to. It bothers me if someone that I barley know calls me that. I guess it’s something you have to earn.

I wouldn’t say I’m anything particularly special. I’m average. I’m not tall, but I’m not short. I’m not overweight but I’m not skinny. My hair isn’t straight but it isn’t curly either. Everything about me is in- between.

I’m a total bookworm. I’m constantly reading, and I can finish a 300 page book in a day. I read the entire Hunger Games trilogy in 2 days. I also absolutely love writing, and I’m currently working on my second novel. I’ve also got about a dozen short stories that I’ve written.

I’m obsessed with pillows. I know that sounds really weird, but I absolutely love them. I have a bunch on my bed and littered around the floor of my room. I can’t sleep without at least two, and I always have to have one of my little throw pillows with me when I sleep. I love them!

All of my interests are really varied in a weird way. Like, I love reading and writing, but I hate learning about English. I hate science but love astronomy. I hate math but love logic problems. I don’t know where all my random interests came from.

I’m a really sentimental person. I save all letters, cards and notes. I’m constantly taking pictures. I save movie ticket stubs. I’m always saving little mementoes of times with my friends or people I love, and I love looking through old photographs. I love the way things like that may mean something to you, but nothing to anyone else. The way those things capture memories.

Well, I can’t think of any more random stuff. Thanks for checking out my blog!

Love, Nell

"I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength."
-Philippians 4:13