London. I was going to write England, but then London just sort of.... flowed out. Though I love all of England, I think London is my favorite city, just because it seems like there's so much to do there. There's so much culture.
“I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know - unless it be to share our laughter. We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide.”
On Sunday, September sixteenth, I had the best night of my life. I saw Owl City in concert.
Kathleen and I stood in line for about an hour and a half, waiting to get in. It was general admission, so we were a bit antsy, hoping to get in and get a good spot. They finally let us in at 6:30, and we went in, and went right up to the front. We were pretty far back in the line, so we were surprised that we were able to be so close to the stage. Had there actually been seats, we would have been about the third row- and by the end of the night, everyone was so packed together, we would have been second row!
Action Item was the opening act. I'd never heard of them before, but now, their album is on my most played list on iTunes.
Anthony explaining how they get way too into playing music and make weird faces, and so they were going to pose as "true rockstars" so they wouldn't look silly.
Then, the stage went dark, and the room went silent.
Adam comes out, and I died.
It's a scientific fact that Adam Young is the most gorgeous man on the face of the Earth.
"Here's a song for the shy boys and the pretty girls!"
During Fireflies, Adam stopped singing, and held the mic out to the audience. It was one of the coolest moments of the night.
Adam and Breanne Duren. I probably love her almost as much as him. All of my favorite songs are his duets with her.
She was actually the cutest thing. She was smiling the entire time, like she was so happy to be there, and couldn't believe it.
It was so surreal, being surrounded by people who love Adam's music just as much as I do; It was like we were a family, as cheesy as that sounds.
"I left my heart in Columbus!" -Adam Young
After the concert, Kathleen and I got pictures and autographs from Anthony...
And this guy we met outside, Troy Williams, who we met when we were in line. He had us listen to some of his music (which is under the name Escaping Juliet), and it was actually really good! I got his autograph for when he's big and famous!
It was by far the best night of my life. It was so magical, and I can't wait until I get the chance to see him again.
“I was rerouted today after someone decided today was the day to cut his life short and jump off the sixth floor of a building. Bukowski wrote, “there is a loneliness in this world so great… people so tired, mutilated either by love or no love” – for the man who jumped today, his invisible agony had reached an unbearable level. I won’t pretend that I knew what this man was going through and I’d like to believe that there is something someone could have done to stop him in that moment, but I can’t be certain there was. What I do know, though, is that everything affects everything. Everything you say and do- the way you can hurt the ones you love when you don’t truly mean to, the way you can make someone feel so little by calling them just one word, the way you can set up unreasonable expectations for mere mortals. Just be aware of that, everyday be conscious of those around you and how your words and actions can affect someone who may very well already have their mind set on jumping out that open window. Sometimes it takes very few words or a very small gesture to remind someone that there is goodness beyond this hell, that the fight to live is worth it, even if that may be just a temporary fix. Each of us has not only the power to take a life, but also the power to restore a life.” In honor of Suicide Awareness Day, please know that you are loved and there is hope for you. If you are feeling completely lost in life, just know that things will get better. I know that is a phrase used quite often and when you are at your lowest it is hard to believe it, but please just know that it does. If you are reading this, I promise you now and forever, that I will always be here for you if you need someone to talk to. I can help you get the help you need or be that person you can trust to talk to. Just please promise me you won’t leave this world because it is not your time and you have a long and beautiful life to live still.
I don’t look down, not yet. The
wind is blowing my hair across my forehead, and my fingers are locked tight
around the railing behind me. I shuffle my feet, careful not to step too far;
the tips of my toes hang off the ledge. I swallow hard, the lump in my throat
making it hard to breathe.
I’ve had the most amazing life. My parents
are supportive of everything I do, we’ve got a nice house, I’m good at school, I’ve
got everything I could ever want. I’ve been able to do what I love every day of
my life, but lately, it just isn’t enough. The pressure is too much. I have to
hide my hurt, pain and fears on a daily basis, both from strangers and the
people I love.
I’m not strong enough anymore. I
can’t keep pretending.
The worst part is, I’ve been so
lucky. I have an incredible life, much better than so many other people’s
lives, so I can’t complain. No one would understand. They’d see me as self
absorbed, conceited, arrogant, all because I’m well off and they don’t
understand that I feel pain too.
I’m just so tired of being tired all the time. I never get a moment to
myself, and I always have to be wearing a smile and acting happy, or people
would say I’m just looking for attention.
I just can’t do this anymore. It’s
too much. I wish I could tell my friends that it’s not their fault, make sure
my mom knows I love her, tell the world that it’s nothing they could have done,
because it’s all my fault.
I hear shrieks below me, and I
glance down. I see a woman pointing up towards me, her hand covering her mouth
while she screams.
“Call the police!”
“He’s going to jump!”
“What room is he in?”
“Get him down!”
It’s now or never. Jump, or suffer
The doorman to the hotel is
clearing people away from the building; more people are staring and screaming.
The height makes my head spin and I
glance back over my shoulder. The doors leading from my hotel room onto the
balcony are swung open, the curtains blowing in the breeze.
The hotel phone rings, starling me,
and I almost lose my grip on the railing.
I refocus on my mission, and glance
down again. Below me is the city street, cement and asphalt, ready to embrace me as I leap to my death.
The door to my hotel room slams
open. “Hey, some guys going to jump off- Cole?” My best friend’s voice pierces
my trance. My head whips around, and I see Luke standing in the doorway, the
door swinging shut behind him. His face is covered in shock and disbelief.
“What are you doing?”
I turn my head back to the street.
“Go away,” I mutter.
“Go. Away.” I say, gritting my
teeth. Does he not understand that I want to do this?
I hear him take a couple steps
closer to me. “Cole… I- I don’t understand.”
I don’t respond. Does anybody ever
understand? I’d stopped telling people about my problems a long time ago; they
never understood. They always thought I was a moody, hormonal teenager who was
overreacting to minor problems.
“Talk to me,” Luke’s voice cracks.
“I can’t do it anymore, Lu,” I say,
calling him by his childhood nickname, still facing the street, talking with my
mouth to the wind.
“This! Live! All of it!” I burst
out. “It’s too much.”
“Cole, please.” His voice is as
raspy as mine. “Please, come back in. Talk to me. Don’t do this,” he steps
closer to me, out of the hotel room and onto the balcony.
I blink, my eyes burning, and I can
barley breathe. I’ve been planning this for a while, this is my only chance.
“I-I’m sorry, Lu,” I say, and take
a step forward, letting go of the railing.
I found this piece of writing online, and I wanted to share it with you all, because we all feel this way sometimes!
This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, becauseholy crap is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.
A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.
Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic? She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing. But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great. She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success. So - what gives?
His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear. Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles. He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses. You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on. Nothing on the show or in Peoplemagazine is off the rack and unaltered. He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit. That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.
I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way. I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did.
It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this. But no one ever told me. I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes. No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.
I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed. I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to. No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to. I guess I just didn’t know. I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.
I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another thing thrown in your path to make you feel crappy about yourself.
I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.
So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while. But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not. Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.
this morning, during the premier of The Dark Knight Rises, a gunman entered a
theater in Colorado, and killed twelve people and injured fifty- nine
others. It's the deadliest shooting since the Fort Hood massacre in 2009.
gunman, identified as James Egan Holmes,
entered the theater, and threw in a smoke bomb, and began to shoot when the
moviegoers began to run.
Witnesses have said that at first, they assumed that it was
part of the special effects, as the shooting happened during a scene with gunfire.
He had kicked down an emergency door and entered the theater, carrying a
shotgun and a rifle. Holmes had apparently painted his hair red, and said
he was "The Joker."
According to James Wilburn, a man who had been sitting in the
second row of the affected theater, the shooter was dressed all in black,
wearing a flack jacket and a gas mask. Wilburn and his friends dropped to the
floor when they realized what was going on. “The shooter was only five or six
feet away,” he says.
Once the shotgun was empty, Holmes calmly dropped it to the
floor and started shooting with the riffle.
Naya Thompson, who was seeing the movie with her boyfriend,
were running for their lives. She says that the gas spread quickly, and the
gunman must have had a lot of it. "It was like a tear gas," Thompson
told the newspaper. "I was coughing and choking and I couldn't breathe."
told the paper that one girl was struck in cheek, others in stomach including a
girl who looked to be around 9-years-old. The youngest victim was about six
years old. Jordan said it sounded like firecrackers until someone began
yelling, "They're shooting out here!"
Obama said he is "shocked and saddened" by the mass shooting and
urged the nation to "come together as one American family." He said
his administration will do everything it can to support the people of Aurora,
"As we do when confronted by moments of darkness and challenge, we must
now come together as one American family," Obama said in a statement.
"All of us must have the people of Aurora in our thoughts and prayers as
they confront the loss of family, friends, and neighbors."
The police have released a statement from the family of the shooter, saying, "Our
hearts go out to those who were involved in this tragedy and to the families
and friends of those involved."
I can’t imagine what the victims, witnesses and
families are going through. I’m in shock. My heart is heavy, and I’m praying
This sounds cliché, but this just reminds me
that tomorrow is never guaranteed. These people went to see a movie, and some
of them aren’t coming out. I’ve messaged all my friends, telling them how much
they mean to me. I can’t imagine what I would do if I got the call, telling me
that any one of them had died.
It’s such a tragedy, and I will be keeping
everyone in my prayers.
Day 2 of Wreck This Journal. This is the cover of my journal now. I warned you. I said it didn't look anything like the first picture anymore. I've drawn all over it in white- out, with song lyrics and doodles.
Hey guys! I got a Wreck This Journal a couple months back, and it's my summer goal to finish it. For those of you who don't know, the theme of the journal is to become creative by destroying the book. You do things such as take it in the shower, throw it from a high place, crack the spine, spill coffee on it, write one word over and over, and make a sudden, unpredictable movement with the journal. I've been working on it all summer, and it's a lot of fun.
I'm going to be posting my progress, showing pictures of different pages and telling what I did to them.
This picture to the left is my Wreck This Journal when it was brand spanking new.
I'm warning you... it doesn't look like this any more.
Hey ya’ll! So I’m filling out scholarship applications, and there’s a scholarship, where you get entered for every time someone registers on the website through you. For example, if three people register through me, I get three entries.
So if you can, click on this link, and register through there, You never even have to use the website again, just register, for me. :)
In the past, I've been asked by people to see some of my writing. Well, today's your day. Here's a link to a site where I've put some of my writing. There are a couple short stories, and one of my novels.
If you go read, please tell me what you think! :)
Love, Nell <3
all you bloggers out there! It's summer! Schools out! No more homework,
uniforms, classes. Only lemonade, staying up late and sleeping in, tans and
friends are all that matter now. I want this summer to be one I'll always
remember, so I made a Summer Bucket List. I've gotten a lot of people to do
this with me, so feel free to make your own! Here's mine!
Get tan 2. Meet someone new 3. Stay up for 24 hours straight 4. Get super fit 5. Watch the sunrise and sunset 6. Spend a day watching movies 7. Go to a concert 8. Tie dye 9. Bonfire 10. Make my own lemonade 11. Say “yes” to everything for a day 12. Stargaze 13. Photo bomb 14. Get a henna or airbrush tattoo 15. Make a summer playlist 16. Sleep under the stars 17. Go on a boat 18. Go to the zoo 19. Have a picnic at the beach 20. Have my official ‘summer 2012 song’ 21. Eat nothing but healthy food for a week 22. Melt crayons on a canvas 23. Finish my scrapbook 24. Catch fireflies 25. Road trip
26.chalk color my hair
27. Get my face panted
28. Carve my initials in a tree
29. Order desert first
30. Message in a bottle \balloon
31. Get Ice cream from a truck
32. Play paint twister
33. Finish writing my book
34. Get my ear pieced a second time
36. Go vegetarian for a day
37. Make food at 3AM
38. Cover my entire driveway in chalk
Eat at Red Robin
41. Learn to French braid
42. Make a home movie
43. Two day sleepover
44. Play juice pong (like beer
pong but with apple juice!)
45. Get my temps
46. Finish my wreck this journal
47. Build a fort
48. Go to a BBQ
49. Dye my hair
50. Take at least 1,000 pictures
Get a job
No regrets :)
on your Summer Bucket List, friends? I'd love to see it!
I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing
this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that
this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.
I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge.
It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To
put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going
some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing.
You really are.
You should be happy. You are gorgeous.
I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to
turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know
what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm
rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know
what that means?
Okay. There is something that
bothers me. A lot. You know what I’m talking about. I’ve done it. You’ve done
it. You’ve heard others do it before, and you’ll hear them do it again,
Girls, I’m talking to you.
Putting yourself down.
You realize that when you call yourself
ugly, that you’re insulting the Creator of the universe, correct? He created
you, he made you in his own image. You
were made in Jesus Christ’s image; therefore, when you insult yourself, you’re
You’re saying that His design isn’t
perfect. You’re telling Him that he made a mistake. And that’s not true,
because God is perfection.
He doesn’t make mistakes. When He
created you, He didn’t cringe. There was no “whoops,” or “I’ll do better next
time.” He didn’t try to improve you, or make you better. When he saw you, he
said “It was good.” He was pleased. He was happy with His creation.
He loves you. Every time He hears
you utter a word of hate towards yourself, His heart breaks. He wants you to
feel beautiful. He wants you to love yourself.
stop putting yourself down.
Everyday, I hear girls talking
about their insecurities, their faults, mistakes, things they hate about
themselves. It's horrifying. They put themselves down and express how ugly they
feel or how they feel like they’re not good enough. And I don't understand why.
If you’ve been having to battle
with insecurities such as your weight or looks, disregard anything anyone has
ever told you, and listen to me:
You are flawless.
Always remember, loves, You are
alive. You're breathing, and you're safe and you're healthy.. That's more than
a lot of people can say. People care about you. Your parents, your friends, me.
It may not seem like it now, but it's true.
If you’re someone that’s had to go through
some tough times, and have turned to such actions such as this, let me just
You’re worth so much more.
Because each and every one of you
is precious. Yes. Precious. Precious to your family, your friends, to me. If
you are insecure about your anything, please, please understand that who you
are as a person shines right through whatever insecurity you have. Believe me.
And if there’s an idiot in the world that can’t see it, let it go. They don't
deserve to see your inner beauty.