No Duh

I found this piece of writing online, and I wanted to share it with you all, because we all feel this way sometimes!

This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, because holy crap is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.

A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.

Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic?  She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing.  But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great.  She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success.  So - what gives?

His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear.  Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles.  He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses.  You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on.  Nothing on the show or in Peoplemagazine is off the rack and unaltered.  He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit.  That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.

I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way.  I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did. 

It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this.  But no one ever told me.  I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes.  No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.

I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed.  I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to. No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to.  I guess I just didn’t know.  I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.

I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another thing thrown in your path to make you feel crappy about yourself.

I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.

So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while.  But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not.  Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.

Hello Beautiful :)

Operation Beautiful was started by twenty- six year old Caitlin. It’s a mission to make women feel beautiful and love themselves. Caitlin says “The goal of the Operation Beautiful website is to end negative self-talk or “Fat Talk.” If this little blog only does one productive thing, I hope it helps readers realize how truly toxic negative self-talk is — it hurts you emotionally, spiritually, and physically."

She says "Through my own experiences fighting Fat Talk, I’ve realized the power behind an anonymous act such as Operation Beautiful. When I post a note, I’m saying, “I CHOOSE to be positive!” I began Operation Beautiful by leaving positive messages on the mirrors of public restrooms — at work, at the gym, at the grocery store. I scribble down whatever comes to mind — "You are beautiful!" or "You are amazing just the way you are!" My personal goal is to leave as many Operation Beautiful notes as I can. Maybe some people read them and just smile, but I bet some people are truly touched by the effort of a random stranger.”

Ever since I found out about Operation Beautiful, I’ve posted notes….

Seen notes on desks…

Even posted one on my bedroom mirror!

I recently went through a stage where every time I looked in the mirror, I didn’t like what I saw. I really just didn’t like it. Finally, I decided that I was tired of putting myself down and being miserable. After all, how could I tell other people that they were beautiful, if I couldn’t believe it about myself? So now, every time I find myself putting myself down, I simply tell myself "You’re gorgeous," and smile.

Every time I find a note, like the one to the left, it makes me smile, and I can’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. It’s one thing to see the hundreds of pictures on OperationBeautiful.com- those are beautiful, don’t get me wrong- but seeing them in real life makes it so much more… real. I think “I’m not alone in this. Other people see the importance of this.”

Something’s messed up. If girls feel the need to skip a meal, or throw up after eating, or cut to ease the pain, or are constantly putting themselves down. If they feel the need to pluck, wax, shave, dye, straighten, color, clip, something needs to change. They’re- WE’RE- spending way too much time in front of the mirror, obsessing and scrutinizing, wishing our faces were more acne-free, our stomach thinner, our legs more toned. We wish we could be more like that girl in the magazine, the mall, on TV. We live in the land of “if only’s” “If only I was thinner, he’d like me.” “If only my hair was curlier, I’d be beautiful.” “If only I don’t eat this, I’ll be skinny.” “If only…” And everywhere we look, it’s telling us that it’s okay. All the women on TV are thin. All the women in magazines have perfect skin. All the woman in movies have perfect hair and teeth and legs. We feel worthless. We can never be good enough to be what society says is beautiful. We aim so high but can never hit the mark. And I, for one, have a problem with that. Because real beauty doesn’t come from dieting or tanning or dying. Where does it come from? It comes from inside. And I know that sounds cheesy, but real beauty is strong, and real, and confident, and powerful. It loves who it is and doesn’t care what society wants it to be. You can’t find it anywhere but inside of you. You won’t find it in the gym trying to lose just 10 more pounds. You won’t find it in fitness magazine. It’s not something that comes out when its covered with makeup or swallowed with a pill.

No, darling, beauty’s what lies inside.

I’ve been where many of you are, and I’ll probably be there again one day. I’ve hit rock bottom more than once. I know that feeling ugly and worthless brings you down. But a beautiful woman is a confident woman, and she is certainly a force to be reckoned with. Nothing can bring her down, not the words of others nor the pictures in a magazine of a size one model. And believe me with what I’m about to tell you. From one woman to another: You are beautiful. Just the way you are. You don’t need to change a thing to be gorgeous. You, just as you are, enough. I know that you’re reading this and thinking “That’s so true, except for me.” But no. Don’t believe that lie, because it’s coming straight out of the mouth of the Devil. You aren’t the only exception. Be confident with who you are and who you’ve grown to be. You’re the only you there’ll ever be, so why waste the only life you’ve been given with trying to be somebody else? Beauty comes in different forms for every woman. Natural, wonderful, healthy, fabulous, unique. That’s what you are, and that’s what beauty is.

“So society, consider this the official Declaration of The War on Beauty. Because we are a thousand voices strong, and a beauty that’s our own, we are so beautiful. More SIMPLY saying; bring it on.” (http://operationbeautiful.com/dear-society/)