"Remember, you treat a girl like a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, then a person again." -Shawn Spencer

Junk

Day 28 – what’s in your handbag/purse

My purse! It’s full of junk, so be prepared.

Chapstick, my favorite brand!

 Makeup- eyeliner and mascara.

 Probably the best thing in my purse- Chipoltle gift card. Food of the gods.

 Hunger Games movie ticket! If you haven’t seen it, I advise you… go now! Actually, read the books first, THEN go see it!

 This is a nail from the Maundy Thursday service at my church, that’s supposed to remind of the sacrifice God made for us.

 Bobby pins, the few I have yet to lose.

 Apple Blossom Citrus lotion from Bath and Body Works, one of the most glorious stores in the world.

 My iPod, one of my most prized possestions.

 Gum!

 

 Rubber bands for my braces. Yuck. But on the bright side, not too long until my braces come off... June 14th!!

 Caribbean Escape hand sanitizer from B&BW. The hand sanitizer is like crack.

 Key chain!

 Favorite key chain ever!

 Earrings!

 Sunglasses. Except they’re almost broken, I use them so much. ):

 Hair ties. What girl doesn’t have a thousand of these in her purse?

 When I leave my house, I stuff food in my purse. Don’t judge me.

 Cute hairpins, slash bobby pins. Double amazingness.

 My wallet doesn’t fit in my purse, so I have to stick all my gift cards and money in my little pocket on the front.

Well, now that you’ve seen the inside of my purse, your life can go on.

Writing on the Wall

Things found on the walls of the bathroom at school:

God loves you, gorgeous!

Hey beautiful, it gets better... and you get stronger. Head up :)

Life is hard, but you can do it!

It gets better.

Love yourself.

Far Away

Listen to this while you read! :)

Eleven months. It’s been Eleven months since I’ve seen you. Eleven long, torturous months. Eleven months since I boarded that plane. It’s been eleven months too long. And, love, I miss you. But there’s only a couple more months until I can come home and see you and Aubree, and that’s what keeps me going.

I can’t wait to see her, to meet her, to hold her in my arms. Does she have my curls and your eyes? Or your smile and my dimples? The pictures you send just aren’t enough. How could they ever be enough, when I know there’s a little girl across the sea, waiting to call me Daddy?

I carry the picture you sent me in my boot. You and her. It’s my good luck charm. My two girls. The woman who owns my heart and the little girl who already has me wrapped around my finger.

Every night, I lay awake and stare at it. Shadows dance across the walls and scenes play out in my head, things I’ve missed. I was deployed only a month before Aubree was born, and I kick myself every day for missing the birth of my child.

I can only imagine how that would have gone. I can imagine you waking me up at three in the morning, whispering that your water broke. As we both know, I would have freaked out. You would have been the calm one, grabbing the overnight bag and the keys.

            Her first smile, her first steps, so many things I’ve missed out on. I’m sorry, love, but I’m coming home. I’m coming back to the place I belong. Only a few more months, and we’ll be together again. In just a few months, we’ll be a family.

            I love you. Forever yours, Ryan

            The letter ends, and I smile. “I miss you,” I whisper. It’s been so long since he’d left. I just want to be together again. I want to see his face, hold his hand, hear his laugh.

            I grab Aubree from her crib and head downstairs to feed her lunch. Opening the cabinet, I pull out her favorite snack and set it on the counter, but the sound of the doorbell fills my ear.

            I shift her to my other hip as I head for the entry way. “Just a second, baby girl,” I tell her as I open the wooden door.

I freeze when I see the camouflage that the man wears. His hair is cut short, his combat boots laced all the way up, and dog tags hang from his neck. In his hand is a thin envelope, and his last name is stitched onto his shirt. Johnston. His eyes are apologetic, and that’s what hits me the hardest. His eyes. Deep blue with flecks of silver, and filled with sorrow.

“Mrs. Grace?” 

I can’t answer. I know what’s coming. He’s gone.

“Ma’am?”

“Y-yes. That’s me,” I force myself to choke out.

“You’re husband was killed last week. It was a roadside bomb. Almost every man in the vehicle was killed.”

“What?”

“He’s dead, ma’am.”

The four letter, one syllable word hits me hard, knocking all the air out of my lungs. I lean forward, and place my free hand on my knee, the other still supporting Aubree. I can barley breathe. When I was finally able to draw in a breath, it sounded like a wounded animal. It was a gut- wrenching, broken cry, so desperate and mournful.

I slowly stand upright, hand over my mouth, stifling my sobs, and look at him. “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am,” He hands me the letter and turns to leave but then turns back around. “He was a very honorable man. I knew him personally, and that’s something I’m proud to say.”

            “T-thank you,” I whisper and shut the heavy wooden door. I collapse on the couch, sobbing. “No, no, no, no, no,” I wail, repeating it over and over.

            Aubree soon joins in, whimpering softy. Whether if it’s from hunger or from hearing me cry, or if she can sense something is wrong, I don’t know. “Shhh,” I whisper. I hold her head close to my shoulder and rock back and forth. “Don’t cry, baby, don’t cry,” I tell her, even though my weeping is louder than hers.

            My gaze catches in the mirror above the fireplace, and I’m startled. I don’t cry often, but now my eyes are red and puffy. They’re full of fear, anger and despair. But the thing that strikes me the most is the full-blown terror.

            “Ryan….” It’s the only word I can manage, when really, I want to say how much this hurt, tell him that I can’t do this, that it was too much. But I can’t. He isn’t here. He can’t hear me. He’ll never be here again. He’ll never meet the daughter who looks just like him. He’ll never get to teach her how to ride a bike, or how to drive a car. He’ll never get to sing her to sleep or kiss me goodnight.

            What’d I’d do for one more chance, just one more day with him.

My Father is the King of Kings

Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." - Proverbs, 31:30

Bad Habits

Day 27 – my worst habit

Hmm. I have a lot of bad habits, but it's hard to think of any right now.

If I get on the computer to do one thing, I'm on for hours, without even realizing it.

I'm constantly reading multiple books at once.

I always stay up really late, even though I know I have to get up early the next morning.

I'm amazing at wasting time.

According to one of my friends, I try to make everyone happy, and I blame myself too much. Hmm. How's that for bad habits?

That's all I can think of for now, so talk to you all later! :)

Typical Day

Day 25 – your day, in great detail. Hello lovelies! My day’s pretty boring, but oh well.

6:45 My alarm goes off. I hit snooze.

7:00 I actually get up

7:20 Eat breakfast, pack lunch

7:35 Out the door, headed to school.

7:50 At school, hang out with friends and finish homework until the bell rings

8:08 Warning bell rings, head to first period

8:13 Last bell rings, first period starts- Peace and Justice (my religion class)

9:02 Peace and Justice ends, head to homeroom

9:16 Homeroom ends, time for Chemistry… ugh

9:16- 10:10 Suffer through the worst class in the world

10:13 On to Creative Writing… best class ever. Filled with funny people and fun stuff!

11:02 Bell rings and I go to my locker

11:05 on to Applied Rhetoric, aka English

12:08 Lunch! (:

12:38 lunch ends :( on to math, another terrible subject

12:41- 1:27 suffering, suffering, suffering

1:30 History class, which is pretty fun

1:45 usually by now my history teacher has made jokes that are so stupid they’re funny, tell us a story that has no relevance to what we’re learning, insult half the class, and still managed to have taught most of the lesson.

2:16 And now for Spanish, last class of the day

3:05 Final bell rings, I’m finally free!!

3:30 and I’m home. Change out of my uniform, get a snack

4:00 pull out my laptop, usually write some

6:00 Dinner!

7:00 Homework. Yuck. Typically study Chemistry, and usually have some Spanish and History homework as well

8:15 take a break, eat a snack, then back to studying

9:00 usually done by now. I’ll read some, or get on the computer and do absolutely nothing productive on the computer

10:30 bed time! Good night (: